Building Confidence

Photo credit to Justin Veenema @justinveenema

Last week I joined a program (Women in Leadership) and was blown away by these amazing women. We all played open cards, discussed our journeys, careers, difficulties, ambitions, and debated why are women so hard on each other, why are the nails always out, why should we be prepared and ready when someone stabs us in the back. I also heard about the tall poppy syndrome for the first time, makes sense!

Having moved to a new country, I thought things would be different here, but it's the same (which I am kind of thankful for, at least I know the game). Let's be honest, its taxing keeping up with the clicky situations, judgy moments and social norms.

Over the last year I learnt how to be myself again - I made some huge changes in my life, moved continents, left a long term career, parted with best friends and family, took a 6 month travelling sabbatical with my husband which gave us time to reflect on us and life in general, made new best friends, met a few humble and genuine characters, the ultimate was breaking up with my phone, social media and leaving behind other people's expectations.

I found that being myself wasn't so bad after all (some people dont like it), I just needed a little boost and a few bits and pieces of advice as below, to check into this world again. 

My advice on building confidence, in no specific order:

Self-Questions I find intriguing

What motivates you.

When was the last time you gave yourself a compliment.

When last did you laugh so hard, you cried.

Do's
Be kind to yourself. 

Be consistent, positive and smile. Like right now, spread those cheeks!

Be self-aware and take yourself seriously so others will too.

Improve self-care, whether it's gym, yoga, walking for hours.

Eat well, what you put in, is what you get out.

Surround yourself with people that will uplift you.

Be ready to buy yourself those flowers / favorite chocolate (you don’t need a partner for that).

Dish out daily 1. a compliment to yourself / others; or 2. a random act of kindness.

Dress to impress yourself - not others (let me repeat - dress to impress yourself), smell like a million dollars (do they say bucks in North America?), mingle, mingle, mingle - apparently, I am an introvert, but I definitely feed off people around me.

Don'ts

Don't underestimate yourself.

Don't allow negative thoughts to creep in to that brain of yours.

Don't let that mouth of yours mumble a peep of negativity.

Don't be threatened by others, be inspired.

Don't be over-polite, say what you feel when appropriate (my mom-in-law accepts I don't eat her peas).

Don't fall into social traps, live your own life, set your own standards, stop pleasing others.

Don't beat yourself up, WTF, you've come a long way in life, fought silent battles. Stop looking down on yourself and look up and see how far you have travelled.

Don't isolate yourself from the world, get stuck in anywhere, wine clubs, book clubs, granny clubs. Give me an excuse not to go, and I'll find you a reason you should go.

Be Ready

For success, adjust your mindset.

To make mistakes.

To speak up, none of this shy business.

Find balance, not being over confident / having no confidence.

To compete with yourself, no one else. This is your journey, no one else's.

To transform your bad habits to good ones.

You won't be asking yourself "why does this only happen to me?" but rather "what do I need to learn from this?".

Find a Successful Motivator/Mentor

In your network.

A new network.

At work.

On LinkedIn, TEDx, wherever.

Learn from their journeys and their failures.

Find a Support System

Family is great, but are they brutal enough when you need them to be.

Find a friend, cyber friend who can give you honest feedback or guidance when needed.

Don't take criticism to heart, take it to the drawing board to work on.

If you feel you need it, install an app that will motivate you through the day with positive affirmations.

Never hesitate to crack open that bottle of bubbly to celebrate the smallest hurdle, achievement or just a great day.

Self-Development

Whether it's you as an individual, your job, your industry.

Boost your knowledge on your own accord, not someone else's.

Keep learning, whether it's a webinar, seminar, LinkedIn learning, whatever you are into.

Stay updated, sign up to blogs, magazines, groups that you are interested in.

Meet strangers and make new friends, it takes you out of your comfort zone and sometimes you may learn something new about yourself.

Fake it until You Make it

#For the girls# reinvent yourself, put that lipstick on (which my husband hates), get out there and strut your stuff.

#For everyone else# reinvent yourself, put on your newest pair of awesome shoes, get out there and strut your stuff.

Realize that you have nothing to lose (within reason, don't be reckless), just numb yourself to self-doubt for once.

Be unstoppable.

Are you busting with confidence yet. Well of course not, you still have your phone in your hand, wondering what’s for dinner. I dare you to do something different tomorrow. Just be yourself.

A method to remember, "this something different tomorrow" or any other day - copy this link to your desktop on your phone, when you see the icon, spread those cheeks, or if you forget you're awesome, open the icon and remind yourself Life's Great (LG!)!

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Special thanks to my editor ER.